Trip Like I Do

Thinking

So, when I really need to think about something, I like to go down to the ocean and just sit, watch the waves and fully concentrate about what it is that’s bothering me. 

I got here and in less than 5 minutes, I realized how irrational and stupid I’ve been. 

Of course, I’ve already fucked things up royally, so…….   no matter what I do, I’m not sure how I’ll be able to control my other emotions. 

Posted from WordPress for Android

November 7, 2011

Idiot

I just feel like an insecure idiot.  I keep following the same patterns when it comes to people I deeply  care about.   I just seem to subconsciously do whatever I can to completely sabotage the relationship.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I wish I could trust people, but I’ve been hurt so many times in the past, it just gets really difficult for me. 

November 7, 2011

Just like that

And just like that, I’m no longer annoyed again.  Ugh, life is weird like that.  I still need to learn to not let these things get to me.  I must find that strength within myself – believe more in myself.  Then maybe, I could be successful.

October 17, 2011

Annoyed

I’m just so fucking annoyed right now.    So fucking annoyed.   I was having a semi-good day and then I just had to see something that has pissed me off – again. 

Ugh, I don’t know if this annoyance is worth it anymore.  They sort of came clean the other day, but when they drop everything for someone else and don’t tell me about it.  Well, it’s fucking annoying.

Posted from WordPress for Android

October 16, 2011

Ugggghhhh

Dammit. I took a 4 hour nap last night and now I can’t sleep.  All I want to do is stay up and read, but I know I have so much work to do in the morning that it’s not like I can sleep in or take the day off or anything. 

We also got notice at work about open enrollment for health plans and fuuuuuuuuuck.  I really don’t know if I can afford to work where I am now anymore.   It’s really depressing to see our salaries published and to find out that a lot of people received raises, but I didn’t.  I used to be able to get by fine, but I’m at a point in my life where I don’t want to get by anymore.   I’d like to be able to actually make a little extra money so I can save more for the future and be able to take a vacation every once in awhile. 

Now, if I were married, it would be a different story, but I’m not and don’t see that happening anytime soon.   Super.   Either that or I just need to move away from here and find someplace with a low cost of living so I could actually save some money. 

It just seems so difficult.   I just need to believe in myself more and get the confidence that I can get another job.

Posted from WordPress for Android

October 11, 2011