I had a kind of a rough day today.  Work was alright, even though I was sooooo damn tired today, I almost fell asleep in my chair a couple of times.  Hell, if no one else was in the office, I probably would have fallen asleep.

But what made today rough was that I had a texting session with my sister about our Mom.  I really just do not know what to do with my Mom anymore.  I just don’t and it is really, really, really affecting my life negatively.  I mean you would think that your Mom would be a source of encouragement and thoughtfulness in your life.  My mom is just the opposite.  She’s a woman in denial that she has any problems.  She is extraordinarily negative and critical about everything.  And I mean everything.  I really can’t remember that last that she has ever said anything positive about anything.  The last time she tried to pay me a compliment was when she realized that I gained weight and that made her very happy.  I am not joking.  She makes assumptions about stuff and then starts telling people that her assumptions are truth when they couldn’t be further from them.  She’s a hoarder who freaks out when I try to throw my stuff out and wants to inspect my garbage if she knows I am throwing things out, in case she wants/needs anything.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.  She needs help, but she will not admit that she needs it.   Also, as the single child, she basically expects me to take care of her when she really won’t be able to do anything for herself and you know what?  FUCK THAT.

Work isn’t much better either.  I mean, it’s not the most positive work environment either.  I don’t expect it to be buttercups and rainbows all of the time, but just the negative work environment is just really, really, really dragging me down.  I feel like I accomplish absolutely nothing there.  Either that, or I just feel like absolutely nothing I do is actually appreciated.

I was going to try to get my mind off of all of this tonight, but all I’ve been able to do is think about all of this.  I was also supposed to be gaming tonight, but I just couldn’t.  I just have too much on my mind and I knew I wouldn’t be able to concentrate.  It’s not like we’ve really been getting anywhere lately either.  Ooh we have the same bosses on farm!  Let’s farm them some more and not work on end bosses!  Yay!  Ugh.  Our group leader’s been MIA for a month now.  We still don’t have a real second tank.  It’s just feels like our group is just falling apart when we really should be coming together right now and just kicking major ass.

I also just have been feeling terrible lately.  I’m not eating right, I’m not exercising.  I’m not doing anything creative.  I just feel like crap.

I have to believe.  I just have to believe that things will get better.  That I will be able to get a better hold on my life.  That I will be able to find that fun, bubbly person I used to be.  That I will be able to find some kind of peace some day.  I have to believe that I do have the power to change my situation.  I just have to believe and get over a lifetime of not being able to believe in myself.

Argh, I am started to get so fucking annoyed with my co-worker when she does that.  I can’t even sit down and she is already grumbling because the boss frustrates her too.   She started bitching me out about some letter that neither of us wrote last year and was basically implying that I wasn’t doing my job because I didn’t do it, even though we had both agreed last year not to write it because we questioned the ethicness of it.  Fuck.

I mean, I know she is frustrated, but I still believe that a lot of her stress and frustration is simply self imposed.  We both know and understand how the boss works.  I already explained to her that it is her choice on how much she is willing to sacrifice for this job.  I mean, I know it is her choice to always come in 30 minutes to an hour early and to stay until 6 or 7pm every night.  I just hate it when she takes that frustration out on me.

Gah, then she gets annoyed with me because I try to find out what exactly is going on with various documents and what is going on with the seasonal workers.  I mean, hello!  I deal with the public more than she does, wouldn’t it be a good idea for me to get the information so we can just deal with these people, give them the information so they don’t keep calling back to find out if we got that information for them yet?  Argh!

I can’t wait for this damn season to be over with, but I am just wondering if the boss is going to schedule some kind of meeting the day after it’s over like she did last year, so we don’t get the day off – like just about every other office in the building.

Well, on the plus side, we are all getting free massages at work tomorrow/today.  Yay!  That should be awesome.

So, to help me relax a bit – here’s a cute kitty from I can has cheezburger.

I am just so confused by the amount of women on this predominantly female board who think that it is okay for medical professionals to deny care to women simply based on their pro-life opinions. It’s really made me step back for a second to wonder what country I live in. The last time I checked this was the United States of America and NOT the United States of Fundamental Christianity. I thought this country was ruled by the U.S. Constitution and not a modern interpretation of the bible.

I made my opinion known when I asked if it would be okay for a physician not to treat someone of because they were of Japanese descent? Or would be okay for a pharmacist to deny, say, heart medication to someone who is African-American? I mean what is the difference? Discrimination is discrimination. By withholding medication or refusing to treat a patient based on that person’s gender is, to me, no different than denying services to someone based on their skin color.

Someone made the counter argument that there was a big difference between racism and trying to protect the unborn. Huh? What’s so different between racism and sexism? Does this mean that women should have no right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness because it might interfere with a possible pregnancy?

I just don’t get it. Since when did women give up their rights to be human beings just because they can conceive?

I believe every woman has the right to choose. Every woman has to right to contraception or abortion. I also believe that a woman has to right to refuse either course of action – if she so chooses. However, when a medical professional decides to refuse LEGAL services to someone based on their personal belief system, well, maybe that person needs a new profession. I mean, last time I checked abortion and contraception were both still legal in this country.

I just can’t get my head around it. I can’t understand how it would ever be okay to refuse to treat someone based on what their gender was. I mean, would we have this type of condonation if we were talking about doctors refusing to perform vasectomies on men because it would interfere with conception? I am sure there would be great cries of moral outrage over the government trying to control men’s bodies, but why is there none when this happens to women?

Of course, the first thing I did was to head on over to Snopes to check out the validity of this forwarded email.  The email was an urban legend and the photo included was a fake.  I was pretty sure that was the case, but I wanted that validity.  I then replied back to everyone who got it that it was a fake and gave the address for Snopes, so hopefully these people might realize that all of this crap that comes into their mailboxes isn’t real.

I don’t get these types of emails very often, but I always wonder about the people who come up with this stuff.  I mean what is the purpose of these types of inflammatory chain letters?  Is the purpose to incite fear in the people who get them – so that they are a bit more mistrusting of the world around them?  Or is it some kind of test to find out how easy it is to fool people?

I don’t know, but I just spent the last hour reading about all kinds of tales at snopes.com.  Whoops.

Here’s a link to the first chapter of his new book Where Have All The Leaders Gone?

From Chapter 1: Had Enough?

Am I the only guy in this country who’s fed up with what’s happening? Where the hell is our outrage? We should be screaming bloody murder. We’ve got a gang of clueless bozos steering our ship of state right over a cliff, we’ve got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can’t even clean up after a hurricane much less build a hybrid car. But instead of getting mad, everyone sits around and nods their heads when the politicians say, “Stay the course.”

Stay the course? You’ve got to be kidding. This is America, not the damned Titanic. I’ll give you a sound bite: Throw the bums out!